the text reads;
It’s “I”. I am speaking directly to you. Yes, you who are reading this.
I am here to show you, not to entertain you. I am not an entertainer. You are going to have to read. If this is too literal, it is because I have to explain.
12.10.23
I am not a servant to you or anyone else. I am only a servant to my vision. I owe nothing. When I make exhibitions, I make them for you to see my work. So, I hang my work on the wall, provide good lighting, give titles, maybe not. Then it is you who has to do the work. This may include seeing what you don’t want to see. This would be your issue not mine. I am not here to entertain you.
4.6.23
The initial plan was to make another exhibition. I can’t. Things are not well.
30.7.23
I can't produce anymore work. All I'm feeling is contempt. I am blocking myself from producing any more work.
I apologise if you want to see more. I know some of you want to see these objects that I make. You who I had never met before, have told me so. But I cannot make great work under these conditions.
They tell a lot of lies when they say they give support.
Malta, l-artist taghtih il-flus, tehodhomlu u tirvinah.
If this is chaotic, it’s what’s in my head.
If this feels overloaded, it’s also what’s in my head.
If this exhibition is incomplete, this is intentional. I could not produce more work in this place, for this place and continue to sustain my practice.
8.5.23
The feeling of disappointment may also be in this exhibition. ‘Disappointment’ has been there for so many years that I don’t have the strength or want to make an effort to keep ‘disappointment’ out of the exhibition or try to counteract it. I have given up.
I do not exist because of this place. I am who I am not because of this particular place.
You cannot dismiss any of this because then you would be dismissing me. And I exist.
24.5.23
It is not natural for artists to continue making art. This place, Malta that is, does not allow it. Artists keep making art at the expense of their well-being.
It is not natural that the artist makes another exhibition in Malta. The problems are anthropological.
Whatsapp message; “I have just turned the concept of my show on its head. Because I cannot make another show and pretend that things are okay.”
They’re trying to have an art world but they are not succeeding because they don’t know how to. They are building museums that cost millions and then use artists’ works to fill them up. They want to have galleries. Most of them turn into ‘vanity’ galleries. Image and status.
9.9.23
They exploit for money, political gain, ego and the healing of their inferiority complex for operating in such a small place, what artists have already done on their own.
They do not last long in fact. Because they seem to be unaware that the ‘capital’ is the artist.
27.5.23
An artist showed me a message in which he was told that his exhibition needs to be more engaging. They did say that the people who sent them the message were wrong. The artist kept bringing it up throughout the day. At the end of the day, they said they didn’t like themselves.
24.5.23
Artists in Malta don’t have much else to turn to because the place is small. They have to deal with a lot. Some succumb. Some merely survive.
30.5.23
Artists seem as if they are asleep. It’s like they are living in limbo. They take ill-treatment until they can’t anymore.
Do they even know they take ill-treatment?
23.5.23
Works of art have been stolen from artists, damaged, destroyed and lost. Artists have been treated as subjects, servants, assistants and cleaners. Artists’ skills and equipment have been used without artists getting paid. Artists have had to go to hospital to recover from stress. Artists’ time has been wasted by empty promises / making it seem more than it is. If galleries and institutions do not respect artists, galleries and institutions will not survive.
12.9.23
I told a curator about what I think my work might be about. They mentioned something about making an exhibition about it... as if my work doesn’t do it already.
17.10.23
Malta does not believe that art has any use. It pretends or thinks that is does. Artists who know nowhere else, believe that what they do and who they are, are useless. Yet artists keep making work because they need to while having to continuously explain themselves and therefore remain in a crisis.
26.5.23
Artists need to walk away from that which does not serve them.
2.6.23
The nature of the artist is that of a leader not a subject.
27.5.23
I may have put my finger on something that many are missing.
25.4.23
Things are changing. At least this is what I am feeling.
Being humble has turned out to be a waste of time.
When these gallery walls are whitewashed, these words will remain ‘inside’ these walls. If they are erased, they will still leave their mark.
I have to go now. I have to recover from all the anxiety caused by constantly being in danger of getting destroyed. At some point, I will have to get a full-time job teaching in a school where the other teachers threaten to put blades in my coffee as a joke.
